Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ok first of all what the fuck
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
