omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You brought string cheese to the strip club
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
