get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
