Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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