Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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