If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your cock deserves a montage
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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