Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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