Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
