I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
