Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
