dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
