And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
