i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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