Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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