He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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