Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
