I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
