there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
