Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
