You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
