He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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