This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize