When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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