My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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