I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
