if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
