he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
