I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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