I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
