Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
