I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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