i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
