So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
