It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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