My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
