There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
