he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
