I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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