i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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