Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize