Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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