I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
