Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize