New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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