My liver just broke up with me...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
