Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
