well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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