there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
