I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
