I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
