God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
