fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
