I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I puked a lego.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
someone owes me an orgasm
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
