she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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