i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
