This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
