Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
