I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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