Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
