He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
