Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
