so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
