Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You are a genius and a whore.
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