$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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