Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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